The Communication Conundrum: Eggshells and Connection - Madhura Ashokkumar

As a therapist, I find inspiration in the supportive, comforting, and healing power of language. It is our primary means of addressing the universal human yearning for love and acceptance, the verbal hand reaching out to say, "You've got a friend in me”. Yet, after working in this field for some time, I’ve become increasingly concerned with a critical question: Are we using language to build connection, or are we using it to create distance by overlaying it with rigid moral and political requirements?

I acknowledge that language is inherently political, but I am struggling to gauge the correct boundary. How much political encoding is too much when the goal is human connection and vulnerability? I am in awe of the power of words, yet also their acute limitations. 

The core tension is clear: connection requires vulnerability and a messy exchange of thoughts, while moral extremism demands linguistic perfection and immediate alignment.

The Double-Edged Word

1. Connecting with "Ohana": The greatest power of language is its ability to create belonging. As Lilo famously said, "Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten." Language, when used with grace, is what keeps the "family"—whether biological, social, or global—together, ensuring every voice is heard and valued.

   
   

2. The Fear of the "Wrong" Word: When we set moral standards so high that any misstep is met with immediate condemnation, we retreat. We become like Quasimodo in The Hunchback of Notre Dame, watching our lives pass by from the safety of the tower. When "The past can hurt," as Rafiki notes in The Lion King, fear of old mistakes being re-litigated can silence us in the present.

   
   

3. The Silence of the Judged: An atmosphere of rigid moral policing encourages self-censorship. True change—and true connection—requires a space for learning. If one feels they can’t be honest without being instantly labeled, they choose silence. "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all," a wise lesson from Thumper in Bambi, can ironically be weaponized, shutting down even well-intentioned, challenging dialogue.

   
   

A Path to Bold Dialogue

To reclaim language as a tool for connection, we need to balance moral gravity with conversational charity. We must choose empathy over immediate condemnation.

We need the courage to engage in honest conversation, remembering the simple truth that "Life's a little bit messy. We all make mistakes. No matter what type of animal you are, change starts with you." (Judy Hopps, Zootopia).

The goal is not to abandon morality, but to foster a space where we can be brave enough to speak, and kind enough to listen, letting connection thrive even in the messiness of human language.

• Can we deliberately ease these moral standards to create more space for genuine, unfiltered vulnerability?

• Can we treat labels as starting points for exploration—as topics for dialogue—rather than conclusive, final judgments?